Hug Them A Little Tighter

It's late and a little person is hovering by my door, desperately seeking some attention but unsure whether he will get in trouble. He knows he should be in bed and there's been many times before where I haven't given him a chance to form words before sending him back upstairs to bed. On those days I'm tired and worn out, patience wearing thin and in desperate need for some peace. Today has been a long day too. 2 of my 4 children are sleeping. The eldest is reading his books but Mr Cheeky is hovering, peeking in with hopeful eyes. I notice he has collected some games and clutches them tightly swaying from foot to foot, he's hopeful tonight. I'm thinking of the long list of chores that are waiting for me. I think of the bed that I want to crawl into. Why does this child struggle going to sleep, I ask myself again and again. This mother and son dance is a frequent occurrence. When he knows the house is quiet, Daddy is out, then Mummy is on her own and...available! No baby crying for his needs to be met, no toddler using Mummy as a climbing frame, no stories being read to the older book fan, just Mummy. He doesn't care that it's late, he doesn't bother him that he will be tired the next day, he doesn't appreciate that Mummy needs some quiet time. I try to spend time with each of my children on an individual basis daily, a real juggling act let me tell you. I heard of a great idea recently where each month the child gets to stay up after his siblings have gone to bed on his birth date. So if you were born on the 8th, every 8th of the Month you get to stay up and have some special time with the parents (although try telling that to a teething baby, apparently every night is a special night!) Maybe this will be nice when my children are a little bit older. But right now a child is standing by my door, waiting. I pause...

wait a little more...

and decide...

my child needs me tonight.

30 minutes later and I am back writing. 3 boys are now tucked up in bed but the baby woke and is feeding in my arms. No rest for me yet, but I will hug my children a little closer tonight. 2 weeks ago a man decided to cause catastrophic horror in Manchester and take the lives of parents and children at Manchester Arena. Reports flood the news of the devastation that the man left behind as he selfishly chose to explode a bomb with the aim to create the most havoc he could. Children lost their lives, parents lost their lives. 22 families were plunged into despair as their loved ones were ripped from their treasured positions within their families, hearts were broken and grief overwhelms them. For us who look on, we look at our children and thank God for their safety. Our hearts break for the families affected in the atrocities. At these times we find ourselves thankful for the children following at our heels, for the piles of laundry, for the mucky handprints over the windows. There is life in our homes that we need to cherish. Not even a week ago more men decided to take even more lives, this time in the capital, London. Sadly I think there will be more senseless attacks from those supporting ISIS. A terror organisation that cares little for the value of life, for peace or freedom. An organisation that seeks to eradicate whole people groups and destroy families. How can you explain the world events to our children who hear of these attacks and come looking to us for answers and comfort?

Mr Social had the unfortunate experience only the other night of standing on some broken glass (where it came from still baffles me), the cut was not deep, it was barely a scratch but he caused such a commotion that Mr Cheeky became so upset and had thought for a moment that one of these "bad men" had tried to attack his brother. Yes, he has a vivid imagination, but these thoughts start somewhere. I want to protect my family, my children, and us Momma Bears will all nod our heads in agreement as we know what it feels like to gather our children a little closer knowing that we will do all we can to shield them from the pain and suffering.

So I sit and feed my baby, I hold him a little longer, I will linger in the bedrooms of my children later as I look in and check my sleeping brood. There will be extra kisses and stroking of hair. This Momma Bear is feeling protective but I also feel vulnerable. I can't protect my children forever and I'm not invincible. I can only pray and trust. I turn to a Father who knows what it is to see a child die. I turn to a Father who knows what it is to see the one you love suffer. I turn to a Father who sees the tears, fears and pain and offers peace and strength to those who trust in Him. I turn to a Father who will guide my way and steer me back when I get lost. I turn to a Father who strengthens those who are weary. I turn to a Father who loves abundantly and will be with me wherever I go. No, I'm not invincible but I know that I am loved and no terrorist can take away the hope I have or the peace I have because I turned to a Father who saves.